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Selena Gomez hasn’t disappeared. Not exactly. But in the accomplished few months, the best followed actuality on Instagram (140 actor and counting) has removed herself from the Tabloid Industrial Complex. In January, Gomez agilely confused to Orange County, area she and a acquaintance from Hillsong Church, Raquelle, are arena house. “It’s been such a release. L.A.’s aloof gotten absolutely claustrophobic for me. I can’t do any of the things I do actuality in L.A. It’s aloof impossible,” she says.

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After affairs her Calabasas estate—$3.3 million, to French Montana, of all people—she has now additionally put her Flat City bungalow on the bazaar for $2.8 million. (Her Texas mansion, one of the best big-ticket homes a Fort Worth, is for auction at $3 million.) We’re sitting in a coffee shop, and Gomez, dressed in a denim jumpsuit, her beard pulled up abaft a linen arch scarf, opens a artificial alembic of pasta salad. “I anticipate aggregate in my activity is actuality majorly downsized, in a actual acceptable way,” she says. “I’m activity aback to simplicity. That’s consistently who I’ve been. It’s not me saying, ‘I feel the best I’ve anytime felt,’” she continues. “It’s me saying, ‘I’m absolutely area I am. And I’m so blessed I’m in this place.’ It’s a lot of self-discovery. From 20 to 26? Oh my gosh. I feel like a absolutely altered person.”

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How so? “For a while, I anticipate I did assertive things because I anticipation I had to. Like, one of my accompany looked at me one day—we were at lunch, and I anticipate I purchased something, and she affectionate of looked at me and said, ‘Do you feel able enough?’”

“You can buy a nice affair to feel good. But is that my worth?”

That’s appealing harsh. “No, it’s the truth!” she says. “I’m not a acquisitive person. [My friends] wouldn’t adjudicator me on that anyway. I like accepting massages, I adulation accepting nice things…it’s just, is it affiliated to my worth? You can buy a nice affair to feel good. But is that my worth?”

These are exciting questions. And it hints at area Gomez is these days. Because the affair is, she’s afflicted added than her address. She’s a singer, actress, producer, and appearance artist (her additional Coach accord debuted in August)—and now she’s added a new role to her multihyphenate résumé: intern.

Say what?

Earlier today, in a faceless appointment park, we met at A21, the all-around anti–human-trafficking nonprofit area Gomez has been volunteering. The Southern California appointment (there are 14 locations worldwide) is unmarked, and the website doesn’t annual the address. It’s a assurance precaution, the organization’s all-around advance coordinator, Laura Staph, tells me. But Staph arrive me central the windowed, open-plan space, area dozens of advisers sit in advanced of computers—an army in beautiful separates. A assurance hangs beside the door, in gold letters, that reads, “Propel Women.”

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Mariano Vivanco

Of her abhorrence to allocution aboveboard about her assignment actuality afore now, Gomez says, “I wasn’t activity to anon alpha discussing it. It’s out of my abundance zone. I bare to be absolutely absorbed in it.” She knows what you’re thinking. “What a abundant affair addition celebrity is doing.…” she says with a smile. “That’s not why I appetite to allocution about it. I can’t be bashful about this.”

Gomez began volunteering actuality in March at the allurement of cofounder Christine Caine, additionally a affiliate of Hillsong Church, who arrive Gomez to appointment on the anticipation that the pop brilliant ability be aggressive by the mission. A21 afresh teamed with the U.S. Department of Transportation to barrage “Can You See Me?,” a multiplatform attack to accession acquaintance of . What Gomez abstruse in her aboriginal appointment to A21 abashed her. “The abstraction of animal trafficking to me is…I’m flabbergasted.” Gomez rattles off statistics and abhorrence stories—of women actuality affected into animal bullwork until their organs fail, of places in Thailand area adolescent accouchement are awash on restaurant-style menus.

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Mariano Vivanco

The allurement came afterwards a arduous 2017. Gomez, who has the autoimmune ache lupus, accustomed a branch displace that summer. In the fall, it was appear that she’d breach from Abel Tesfaye, bigger accepted as The Weeknd. She’d go on to absorb both New Year’s and Valentine’s Day with her ex Justin Bieber, arch to belief that the brace were aback together. (Bieber, of course, is now affianced to archetypal Hailey Baldwin.) Gomez says that beforehand this year, she sat bottomward with some “amazing women who were actual aing in my life. It was affectionate of a asperous moment. And I aloof had all of them there, auspicious me, and it was one of those moments that you brainstorm aback you’re a adolescent babe and you go allocution to your aunts and your mom and you’re like, This is what’s activity on in my life.” She’d been activity at alarming speed, finishing up her aing album, which could appear out as aboriginal as this fall. “I had been alive for so long, and I don’t like demography things in my life. I aloof capital to serve.”

Shortly afterwards that heart-to-heart, Gomez begin herself in a three-day acclimatization at A21.

I admiration if the agents there anytime doubted her commitment. Gomez shouts, “Maybe!,” and her administrator lets out a big laugh.

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Gomez anon started alive bristles canicule a anniversary (pending flat commitments and, say, affairs with Puma, with whom she has a abiding partnership, in Germany). She got an email abode and a key to the office, like any added volunteer. We adjudge to go to this coffee boutique not by accident, but because “it’s the one that all the volunteers and bodies go to,” she says, abacus with a laugh: “It’s our Central Perk.”

W

hile her aegis bouncer drives us to “Central Perk,” I acquisition myself cerebration about the aboriginal time Gomez and I met—three years ago, for her aftermost awning adventure for ELLE, aback this additional act was still abundantly hypothetical. It was 2015, and she’d afresh breach from her mother, who’d been managing her career, and she’d larboard her almanac characterization and active with Interscope. She was adamantine at assignment on her anthology Revival, which she’d hoped would advice her afford her Disney image. During a backpack in Calabasas, she’d told me how she’d assertive her characterization to accelerate her and her songwriters to Mexico—for inspiration. I admonish her of that adventure today—three years later, but a lifetime away—and she laughs, appearing a animation that feels new.

“Someone sees me accepting a bottle of wine? I could accord two shits. I’m not aggravating to hide.”

“Oh my God,” she says. “Wow. Isn’t it weird? I was in such a ytical place. I mean, that’s what your twenties are. You’re thinking, ‘I appetite to explore, again I’ll get inspired. I’ll go sit in the rain!’ Again you array of realize—at atomic I did—that it’s not about me removing myself from anywhere. I’m still demography my bits with me.”

Gomez is draped in an billowing biscuit cardigan from Free People, and she could be mistaken for any adolescent able (well, one with a babysitter aerial nearby). “Kate [Young], my stylist”—who additionally works with Margot Robbie—“laughs at me. She’s like, ‘When you’re with me, you’re acid designers. Aback you’re with your friends, you abrasion Free People.’ I adulation comfort.” Gomez has accustomed Adolescent with allowance accession her appearance contour by bathrobe her in a Saint Laurent cape clothing in 2014 and afterwards in a red Valentino pantsuit. In 2016, Gomez appeared in a attack for Louis Vuitton.

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Her assured ancillary is actual abundant on affectation in her new SG Capsule accumulating for Coach (designed with the house’s artistic director, Stuart Vevers), which includes a lavender, cottony skirt—a little accomplished the knee, with a applique bottom, and a ancillary slit—plus a atramentous covering anorak with a faux fur blush in fleet that she calls “cozy and edgy,” adding: “I like a bit of the badass side.” She is the face of the acclaimed brand, and is conceivably best aflame about her signature Coach fanny pack, the Selena Quote Belt Bag, which she argues should be allotment of any avant-garde woman’s arsenal.

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“We don’t abrasion heels all the time,” she says. “We appetite to abrasion sneakers with our dresses! No one wants to backpack the big purses. I go to action parks or booty walks and I adulation the abstraction that it’s appropriate there”—around her waist or over her shoulder, big abundant to authority “an iPhone, acclaim cards and Chapstick. That’s all that matters.”

Mariano Vivanco

“I feel actual abiding of area I am. I don’t feel aberrant or emotionally unstable. Or like I can’t handle my emotions, like I acclimated to.”

She looks about the coffee shop—a amateur for her new life. “It’s peaceful. It’s weird. The moment I angry 26, I acquainted 26.” I beam because it’s the affectionate of affair a 26-year-old would say, but I apperceive what she means. “Right now,” she adds, “I feel actual abiding of area I am. I don’t feel aberrant or emotionally unstable. Or like I can’t handle my emotions, like I acclimated to. It’s affectionate of compassionate myself a little more. By all agency I don’t accept myself ample out. But it feels good.”

This is as acceptable a time as any to ask about alive on A Rainy Day in New York with Woody Allen. It’s adamantine to aboveboard the abstraction that Gomez is volunteering for an alignment that deals with sex trafficking but would still accept to act in a blur by Allen, who was accused of molesting his seven-year-old daughter, Dylan Farrow, in 1992. (Allen was never formally charged, but a flood of actors accept about said they affliction alive with him.) For a role archetypal for adolescent women, it seems like an odd choice. Gomez’s mom and bearing partner, Mandy Teefey, acquainted similarly, announcement to Instagram beforehand this year, “Sorry, no one can accomplish Selena do annihilation she doesn’t appetite to. I had a continued allocution with her about not alive with him and it didn’t click.”

Aftermost year, a anchorman from Billboard asked Gomez if she’d advised Allen’s accomplished afore signing on to A Rainy Day in New York, and her acknowledgment was…not great. “To be honest,” she said, “I’m not abiding how to answer—not because I’m aggravating to aback abroad from it. [The Harvey Weinstein allegations] absolutely happened appropriate afterwards I had started [on the movie]. They popped up in the bosom of it. And that’s something, yes, I had to face and discuss. I stepped aback and thought, ‘Wow, the cosmos works in absorbing ways.’”

When I ask if there’s annihilation she’d like to say now, she declines. “I anticipate it’s best not to.”

That comment—or noncomment, really—is the affectionate of activation that ignites a blaze beyond the Online Outrage Machine. She acclimated to adviser all that acknowledgment in absolute time, and the babble was incessant. She capital to scream: “I can do whatever I want! Don’t put words in my mouth!” But she doesn’t assume to affliction anymore. “I’m not on the internet,” she says plainly. “I haven’t been on the internet in months. I don’t accept my countersign for Instagram. I accept no apps on my phone, no photo alteration apps. I accept Peak, a academician game.” (Gomez still updates Instagram from her friend’s phone, who has admission to her account.)

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“The acumen why is, it’s not absolute to me,” she adds. “I apperceive my articulation is actual prominent, but I’m not absent-minded with it. I’m selective. As far as my claimed life, addition sees me accepting a bottle of wine? I could accord two shits. I’m not aggravating to hide. That’s my life. I’m active it the way I appetite to alive it. But it’s about authoritative a acquainted effort—if I can accept a moment to be with my friends, I’ll booty that time. So I don’t accept any of it. I had to accomplish that decision.”

Mariano Vivanco

The paparazzi still aisle her whenever she’s in L.A. Afterwards the account bankrupt that Demi Lovato, her adolescence friend, had suffered an credible overdose, a photograph of Gomez, attractive upset, appeared online. It’s six canicule later, and Lovato is still in the hospital, reportedly due to complications from the overdose. And it is devastating. Gomez starts to allocution about it, again gets afraid up. “All I’m adage is, I accomplished out personally. I didn’t do a accessible thing. I didn’t appetite to. I…I adulation her. I’ve accepted her back I was seven. So…it’s…that’s what I’ll say.”

Our time is about up, and Gomez is due at the recording flat shortly, area she’s putting the finishing touches on her album. She’s been absolution singles slowly—including “Back to You,” from the additional division of Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why, on which she additionally serves as an controlling producer. No adorning trips to Mexico were necessary, she says, aloof patience.

We’d initially planned on activity to the recording flat together, but her administration aggregation nixed the idea, activity it was too anon to allotment it. But Gomez can’t advice herself. She says the music is altered from annihilation she’s done before—immediately acknowledging that’s commodity artists consistently say but rarely bear on. She calls the new music “funky.” “They’ll apparently annihilate me,” she says, afore cogent her aegis bouncer to pump up the aggregate and hitting Play on a new track.

A assault bass band bliss in. There’s Selena’s voice, aural confident; the clue feels added like Prince than commodity from the babe who cooed, “Come and get it.”

“See!” she says. She wants to prove the music is a departure, and it absolutely is, but there’s added to it, I think. She hasn’t capital to allocution about her adulation activity today—or anytime before, really. And she absolutely won’t animadversion anon on Bieber and Baldwin’s cyclone assurance (they, too, are affiliated with Hillsong). Like her acclaimed acquaintance Taylor Swift, who saves her animadversion for her lyrics, it seems Gomez additionally wants to let the music acquaint you absolutely area her affection is.

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Mariano Vivanco

I accept to jot bottomward addendum quickly. She sings about acid a man out of her activity afterwards “1,460 days” and “cleaning my slate.” “Without you,” she sings, “I don’t overthink it.” The angle goes commodity like this: “I’m bashed and I ability as able-bodied acquaint you, Get you ooh ooh ooh out of my arch now.”

She can’t advice but sing along, attractive happier and added airy than she has all day, and absolutely added so than aback we’d met previously. The song ends, and she hits Play on a additional track—which additionally addresses her independence, this time from a man who doesn’t account her. “Were my ambitions too high?” she sings, declaring: “Baby, you’re so distant. Why don’t you admit I’m so rare?”

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Even aback you’re imperfect, alike aback you’re activity worthless, you are flawless.

She tells me about a song on the anthology alleged “Flawless” (yes, the aforementioned appellation as Beyoncé’s hit track). “Meaning through all your imperfections, you’re flawless. You’re not striving. It’s me auspicious a adolescent adaptation of myself. Alike aback you’re imperfect, alike aback you’re activity worthless, you are flawless. It’s a song I’m activity to sing for the blow of my life.”

Top photo: Silk-blend slipdress, Coach x Selena Gomez. Crystal and assumption choker, $295, ring, $145, both Coach.

Styled by Anna Trevelyan; beard by Chris McMillan at Starworks Artists; architecture by Hung Vanngo at the Wall Group; manicure by Tom Bachik; backdrop by Gille Mills at the Magnet Agency; produced by Joey Battaglia at LOLA Production.

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This commodity originally appeared in the October 2018 affair of ELLE.

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